A Torrid Exposé by The Most Exalted Bishop Booger-X
There’s hair all over muh gol’dern toof-brush! Musta been those fuggin’ FLAKES! Legends, I say! MEN! Men possessing immeasurable Diddly Brawn! Here in Thee Shaky Franfolkland Slay Area, we worship the gum-stained concrete these boys shuffle down --- constantly lickin’ their sneaker-soles in the hopes of ingesting some o’ their essence! GROSS!!! Yes, ma’ams and monsieurs --- The Flakes excrete Rock’n’Roll wildness of the absolute highest caliber --- Timeless, unbridled ribaldry!!! Goonish amphetamine soul gyration!!! Porky prime punk pulverization!!! The never-ending big-beat poundin’ of an unwrapped Rusty Quan provides the framework for the 16-string-attack unleashed by bonafide Shag-Rats JT, Brett and Greggy!!! IT NEVER ENDS! Guidin’ it all --- whippin’, careenin’, shakin’ --- is Peepin’ John, that defiant wunderkind showman, that razors & honey screamer, that fugitive thief of hearts!!! Unspeakable delights await…It’s almost TOO MUCH to contend with!
We up met up with The Flakes in the jacuzzi atop their high-rise HQ for some Q&A and all the DIRT clogged the damn drain!!! Hide the pruno, Boogaloo Children --- your daddies are home!!!
#1: There’s rumors floatin’ that your collective reason for Flakin’ is devotional testimony to THE HYPSTRZ. What percentage of truth is there to that?
BRETT (Guitar): We are like a 75% Hypstrz tribute band. The sad truth however is all 5 of us can only manage to generate about 33% of the mighty rock those four gentlemen create. I'm in favor of any band that misspells its own name.
RUSSELL (Drums): It’s true I’ve been a Hypstrz pusher for a long time. If we can manage some kind of tribute to them, I’m happy.
#2: Back around the dawn of The Internet™, I seem to recall a website that merged Flake-centric news and gossip with Flint’s BBQ (R.I.P.) fandom. Where do you lick your chops now and will you take us with you next time?
GREG (Guitar): I’ll always stick to a burrito - El Farolito that is, and not the one in SSF - I’m still licking my chops 25 years later on those things.
BRETT: Abura-Ya in downtown Oakland is the new Flint’s. Or is it the old Flint’s with a new name. Anyway, they should have a booth at the Boogaloo. So, boogaloo down to there by all means.
RUSSELL: Eating is still Val’s Hamburgers in Hayward! That is still the tops! R.I.P. Flint’s.
BRETT: The only reason I joined the freakin' band was so we could rehearse in Castro Valley, which meant being closer to Val's.
#3: REAL KIDS --- CUSTOMS --- DMZ --- NERVOUS EATERS: you can only pick one or your pet gets squished by a steamroller. Go!
GREG: Guess I’m losing a pet!
RUSSELL: DMZ for me, cuz it’s more than LYRES related.
BRETT: I wish I could pick one of those bands, cuz I'm really not fond of flat cats. Probably the one with the shortest name. We're busy people.
#4: How many microphones does Peepin’ need for any given set? I think I’ve seen him use 3 at once! Also seen him use a banana! Can anything harness that voice?!?!?
BRETT: I think it's some sort of allergic reaction to certain foam byproducts found in carotid microphones. Personally, I've been lobbying for 1920's megaphones for years cuz Russ Columbo was a real boss Super Punk before either of those words were in a dictionary.
RUSSELL: There can never be enough mics for Peepin’. I’ve been in that position before, running around the stage looking for a mic that has more output than the one they gave you, only to be shut down by sound technicians everywhere you go.
GREG: Hmmm - maybe 3 bananas.
#5: Brett’s doin’ all manner of 3 O’Clock Rockin’ PLUS the added video-creatin’. What are his other secret talents?
RUSSELL: Brett is an expert on all flying apparatuses.
BRETT: Don't get started on that Finky Brett and his ridiculous hobbies. They impede on his overall loyalty to Flakism (but if you really must, check out his podcast "5 Minutes of Banzai". You didn't hear about it hear about it here).
GREG: Dude’s a man of mystery, never ceases to amaze.
#6: What’s it like being worshiped?
BRETT: Being worshipped is a drag. It's like being fed mashed potatoes through a soda straw. Sure, it sounds fun, but then you actually try it and you are always let down. The problem I (me the guy who podcasts) have with being worshipped is I get it confused with being War-shipped. I go to the USS Hornet in Alameda expecting all sorts of free warship benefits, but they treat me like any other stooge and charge me full price for admission. Moral: the English language confuses me.
RUSSELL: Hopefully we will never know. We know our place in this world.
#7: Heckling: any strategies for battling hecklers? Conversely, when in “the crowd”, are there any go-to jabs you belt out to reduce “the talent” to a tear-puddle?
BRETT: To this day, the weapon of mass heckle destruction is still owned by Mr. R. Quan of Castro Valley, CA. I can't remember if it was a MUMMIES gig or a COUNT BACKWURDS gig, but Mr. Q proclaimed the following: “Ya wanna fight? Well, stick your head up your ass and fight for air!” Got any comebacks for that one?
RUSSELL: ”Yeah, I remember my first beer too…”
#8: Is your denim chafe-proof? Lotsa friction generated during your set, ‘twould seem.
RUSSELL: Denim?! Greg’s dept.
GREG: Huh? If it’s black or blue and made in good ole San Francisco, it’s gotta be chafe-proof!
#9: Finally, any personal hopes & dreams you want to fulfill via your Boogaloo experience this year? Failing that, anything you wanna destroy?
RUSSELL: Our hope is to hear each other on stage. Serenity now!
BRETT: I can't believe we are playing the Boogaloo. In fact, I won't believe it until we've actually done it. When is it, by the way? I should really learn how to play guitar for this thing…